In Conversation with… Sabian Wilde

Marketing Lecturer. Writer. Music Bod. Claims to have coined 'Perthonality'

Posts Tagged ‘RTRFM

IN CONVERSATION WITH… Neighbourhood Watch

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AUDIO courtesy of your (my) friendly community radio statio… RTRFM

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There’s an old man in my neighbourhood; his name is Ray
He can talk for half an hour; He can talk for half a day
Standing by the side of the road
Complaining about the green collection

He can talk your bloody arms off while you make a cup of tea
He says he doesn’t like the Council, but he likes community
He’s got an answer for everything
But he won’t run in the local election…

‘Cause Ray is the captain of the Neighbourhood Watch
Which means he watches the neighbourhood turning to pot
He seemed so happy when he signed us on the spot
But I hope he don’t expect much ’cause he will not get a lot…

We’ve all joined the Neighbourhood Watch
If you ever see our bins you’ll see the logo and the swatch
But we keep the bins inside, cause our neighbourhood sucks
So much.

We sit in our house; Afraid of all the sirens
And the hoons in stolen cars; and the burglar alarums
It’s a piece of paradise
Who’da thought it’d scare me quite this much…

But Ray is the captain of the Neighbourhood Watch
Which means he watches the neighbourhood turning to pot
He patrols by day, which doesn’t help a lot
When the neighbours kids are in your fridge, ’cause thieving’s thirsty work…

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Written by Xab

Thursday, July 23, 2009 at 4:57 pm

IN CONVERSATION WITH… Michael Jackson

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Right Click to Download

Right Click to Download

Right click on the icon on the left to download the audio, courtesy of RTRFM.

This song is the result of an internal conflict about the way MJ’s death has been received around the world… and in particular, this strange phenomenon whereby people have claimed that it is ‘too soon’ to make jokes at the man’s expense.

My gut feeling is that he was a lot funnier when he was alive. The tragedy is that a wellspring of weird — the stuff upon which some comedy careers have been very healthily sustained (think Eddy Murphy in ‘Raw’) has run dry…

On to the song…

I'm "black"

There’s nothing very funny about Michael Jackson’s death,
It’s not like he was wrestling monkeys
In his oxygen tent
When Captain Hook let loose a broadside
From atop the highest ride in Neverland
And put an end to Pop’s own Peter Pan
It’s just a heart attack — and there’s nothing very funny about that.

I am saddened by reactions
To the death of Michael Jackson
All the jokes and hype flying around the ‘net
But the part of it that I did not expect

Is the people who say it’s too soon
To laugh before the final tune
As his family puts his body down to rest…
I suggest… [I Want You Back].

_____

Thanks to Sarah Church for giving me the following….

'Sabian Wilde - King of Pop' by Sarah Church

'Sabian Wilde - King of Pop' by Sarah Church

I think she got the frown just right….

Written by Xab

Wednesday, July 8, 2009 at 1:01 pm

IN CONVERSATION WITH… Avian Swine Flu

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Right Click to Download

Right Click to Download

Trying a new format…. Right click on the icon on the left to download the audio, courtesy of RTRFM.

You get more from the audio… it’s not always funny, but it is always recorded at 7.15am, Tuesday mornings… and that’s a weird time.

In this instalment (a day late, a buck short), thoughts on exploding tables, Today Tonight, cockfighting and the importance of good nasal hygeine.

Thanks also for your enquiries about last night’s stand-up gig… I had fun and learnt more about what to do next time…

LYRICS TO THIS WEEK’S SONG BIT

Somewhere, there’s a swine
Who gave a human the flu
Next thing, pigs might fly
Now the virus is airborne too…

We’re all gonna die
Says the lady who reads the news
Better not get it,
The Avian Swine Flu…

Something special

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This Tuesday, I’m honoured to have the opportunity to perform live at the Hyde Park Hotel for What I Have is Gold II, a night dedicated to the incredible songs that have come out of Perth over the last couple of decades.

For Facebookers, the info is here: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=79149253348

In essence, it will be local artists playing covers of local artists and it promises to be a good night for punters.

For me, it’s the opportunity to demonstrate something I never felt I was able to adequately express in all my years of music journalism — exactly how much I love music and how deeply I respect the talent of the hundreds of songwriters that by and large, most people will never hear of or about.

In recent years, Perth has been more successful than usual with its ‘shout it from the rooftops’ approach of publicising it’s local musicians, but the real local music devotee (regardless of where they come from) must come to terms with the fact that the vast majority of their favourite tunes will fade into near obsolescent obscurity the moment that the band in question calls it a day.

Local stations such as RTRFM, which pride themselves on unearthing new talent, play a massively important role in the promotion of new artists/bands: this necessarily means that once a band has folded, the impetus or excuse to play the ‘best song of last year’ is exponentially undermined with each new artist that requires their assistance… and that’s as it should be, for the most part.

But on Tuesday night — possibly (at least rumoured to be) the last night of live local music at the public bar ‘fuck no, we don’t have a stage‘  institution that has been the Hydey front bar — I’ll be taking the opportunity to pay homage to some of my favourite bands and songs of yesteryear… (with one notable exception).

It’ll also be my first non-comedy solo show in 6 years.  It’ll be my privilege to play, and a pleasure to see you there if you’re able.

Me as the angsty, mysterious artist... Early morning in a barn being renovated in rural France (outside Poitiers). Cool as fuck, moi.

Me as the angsty, mysterious artist... Early morning in a barn being renovated in rural France (outside Poitiers). Cool as fuck, moi.

IN CONVERSATION WITH… My Funeral

with 7 comments

This week’s song is inspired by this news article about the most popular songs for funerals (‘My Way’ remains the stand-out fave, but there are some up and coming challengers).

Of course, the irony of having someone else singing ‘My Way’ — in itself a song about someone else, written by that person and made popular by yet another person — would be anathema to me.

So, I wrote the following song to be played at my own funeral — preferably through speakers set into my coffin, which I expect to be fully pimped and tricked out by The Parisite.

Or the attendees will have to listen via Silent Disco headsets so my voice goes straight into their brain.

Pimp My Coffin

Pimp My Coffin

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Listen to the AUDIO.
Courtesy of RTRFM
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If you are hearing this it means that I am dead
Or missing and I’m not expected to turn up again
I wonder what I did this time; Did I do it to myself
But I’m glad that I pre-wrote this song, so I get to toast YOUR health

I bet you’re all pretty glad you’re not me
I mean… even more than normally

So raise you’re glasses, unless you’re not allowed to drink in here
Would it bloody kill them to let all my friends have a beer
As they remember me?
You’ll note I’m speaking of you ‘plurally’
In the hope I haven’t driven you all away…
With one notable exception, and that’s YOU, Dave… I mean it, get out of here.

So now I’m dead; what became of all my dreams?
My bright burning ambitions; Did I buy Playstation 3?
I can’t bite your head off
So now’s the time to tell me…
I’m assuming I failed to create the virus
That would turn us all into zombies,

But now’s the perfect time to tell you
Dave has herpes.

What are you still doing here Dave?
Except for giving me the chance
To kick your arse from beyond the grave?

It’s possible I’ve died from my own bitterness and rage…
But the important thing is I fit in the box
And I still look good on the stage…

This coffin doesn’t make my arse look fat, does it?
And if you think that does, well screw you, you can kiss it
In truth I’m sad that I’m gone, life is short so don’t miss it.

Except you, Dave.

IN CONVERSATION WITH… Ennui

with 3 comments

As will soon be obvious, I’m not in the best mood today…

Download the AUDIO, courtesy of RTRFM.

_____

Yesterday a man gave a speech about a world
In which we wouldn’t have to live in fear
Of nuclear attack…
And it was nice, yeah it was nice
And meanwhile North Korea’s launching
Invisible satellites, and they are nice…
A little harder to see…
If you don’t believe me,
Just ask the Japanese, ‘cuz
They are nice,
Just ask the whales,
Second only to Sea Shepherd
For having tall tales…

If there is a point to all of this
I hope I’m not a realist
I hope there’s still hope to be had
I hope that life ain’t all that bad
I hope the earthquakes go away
I hope the missiles do not stray
When cynicism is the norm
It makes you wonder why we’re born…

A cynic is a person who just cannot see the good
In humanity; It’s history cannot be understood
In terms of nice… Don’t ask me why.
It’s like emos who can cut themselves but never seem to die
It isn’t fair… so much despair
And nothing good to show for it but really cool hair.

If there is a point to all of this
I hope I’m not a realist
I hope there’s still hope to be had
I hope that life ain’t all that bad
I hope the earthquakes go away
I hope the missiles do not stray
When cynicism is the norm
It makes you wonder why we’re born…

But if I had to guess…
That even cynics  just like sex… a little too much.

Stop procreating
We could have a new world order
If we’d all skip a generation.

IN CONVERSATION WITH… Bikey Mo (Airport Insecurity)

with 8 comments

airport-insecurity-copy

Download the AUDIO.
Courtesy of RTRFM.

Airport security think that my friend Chris
Looks like a terrorist
Yes they always test him
For the explosives residue
Randomly, they say “Hey You!
“Come here and let us rub this swab
“All over you”

It’s all part of the charade
To help the public feel safe
Until the bikies come to pick up their mate
And put a whole new spin
On arrivals at the ‘Terminal‘ 3 gate

I think it’s pretty weird
That they plan to stop the bikies
By introducing anti-bikie laws along the lines
Of the anti-terrorist
Forms of due process

Because it would have gone no further
Stopped well short of murder
If the bikies had been dressed as terrorists
Riding in on camels
And wearing an Islamic head-dress.

I don’t see the point
Of bringing in new laws
‘Cause a murder’s still a murder
Even on the airport floor
It didn’t stop the crime
Do you think it will next time?
The local chapter of Al Qaeda
Fundamentalists called Easy Riders.

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And the stories keep coming…