In Conversation with… Sabian Wilde

Marketing Lecturer. Writer. Music Bod. Claims to have coined 'Perthonality'


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Having been informed that my increasing politicisation has begun to upset some people, I chose to pick a nice, safe, apolitical subject such as sex (which is often inherently funny)….


There are a hundred thousand fetishes
I don’t know which one the best one is
But I know that some are sins,
Tell me which camp are you in…

A man might like to wear a woman’s stockings
Put a belt around his neck and give himself a throttling
But he can make it in this world
If he makes it with a girl… except Paula Yates

A woman, she might like to wear a strap-on
And give it to her man, yeah they both like to get it on
Heterosexual buggery
May not be your cup of tea, but

Is it a sin, is it even antisocial
If they do it in the bedroom
And both partners are consensual

You might like a golden shower
You might take one on the hour
You can sit there in your partner’s pee
And still consider matrimony

All you heterosexual leather freaks
You subs and doms and swingers speak
Your vows of love
Endorsed by church and state

But then again there seem to be
Marriages of conveniency
Perhaps unwanted pregnancies
At stake?

But god forbid two people fall in love and want to share it
If they’re both of the same sex there should be a law against it…

But wait, there is…

They say it will hurt the institution
So legislate against divorce — or is that too confusing?

So few people seem to get married these days
We can boost the institution’s numbers
By accepting the rights of gays

Let’s face it, at least someone still believes
In Matrimony.

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